Write a Hobby Limerick, Win Two 1/1’s

OK, for the guys who have been reading hobby blogs for a little while you know this is a direct rip-off of a 2008 contest from the boys at Beckett Media. I listened to all the suggestions but it was Mets Thoughts on Twitter who helped make up my mind.

Here are the rules. Come up with a hobby-related limerick. The best three entries will be picked by a special judge and will go into a random drawing. Be as creative as you can and remember, nothing is off limits, even Wax Heaven. It can be funny, serious, strange, anything as long as it relates to collecting.

Deadline is Sunday at 11:59 P.M. and the winner will be announced on Monday. No WordPress account or avatar needed, just make sure to comment with your real email address cause it’s the one I will contact you with if you happen to win.

A special thanks to Upper Deck for their continued support of the blogosphere.



112 thoughts on “Write a Hobby Limerick, Win Two 1/1’s

  1. There once was a Bowman autographed card
    Pulling it in 2001 was quite hard,
    A new collector bought cases,
    to cover all of the bases,
    But his friends said, “Pujols was a redemption, you retard.”

  2. There once was a Stadium Club
    In the 90’s- a whole lotta grub
    Went a way and came back
    Gave collectors a smack
    –I’d say that idea was a flub

    Please don’t be too harsh, writing is not my greatest talent

  3. ibleedbrooklyn@aol.com

    the 2007 topps set was GREAT
    i have every card from the set up to DATE
    it has a card with Bush in the STANDS
    and Mantle with a bat in his HANDS
    if it wasnt $15 its a card i would HATE!

  4. This takes place in the next 10 years:

    There once was a guy named Bryce
    His Autographs looked really nice
    The prices knocked off the wood of Ruth’s bat
    And killed all the collectors who spent their money on that:

    A 13 year old has to try to win 2 1/1’s from his favorite team, no doubt!

  5. There once was a company on top.
    Until they stole ideas from Topps.
    Their inserts started to suck.
    They ran out of luck.
    Because now they lost their license.

  6. chris olds of beckett has a double chin
    his loaded box breaks are always a win

    ok, I suck ass at this…

  7. I’ll take a shot at it. I haven’t written a poem since high school so I might be a bit rusty.

    Despite all the things I’ve outgrown.
    Til the day my life is etched in stone,
    I’ll be buying, hoarding,
    all things balling.
    Hoping for a 1/1 Karl Malone.

  8. forget the first one…

    chris olds of beckett has a double chin
    his loaded box breaks are always a win
    gellman might just be his twin

    zing 😉

  9. There once was a pitcher named Gregg
    The Cubs said we want you , we beg
    Kevin sucked all year
    Like drinking warm beer
    I wish he had broken a leg

  10. Great contest!

    “Simple solutions solve problems,”
    So says the razor of Occam.
    Well, now with ebay
    What else can we say
    For Chris Olds and Beckett than “F@ck’em”

  11. i’ll do anything for a 1 of 1
    just for fun,
    beckett slandering for pandering?
    that has to be the answer!
    dude i’m a nine year old with cancer
    i did a high-end box break of name- brand corn flakes once
    in other words i had to eat!!!!!!!!!!!!!
    gimme my bread kimbo

  12. There once was a man named Jack
    Who always bought cards with some crack
    “Wax Heaven, he said,
    “Is the hobby’s head”
    “While Beckett’s the hobby’s nut sack!”

    LOL! Hope you like. 😀

  13. A Fascimile signature used to be just right,
    Until the day came that those cards turned to a fright.
    Collectors are now paying $300 plus for autographed stickers,
    I’d rather spend my money on a case of chocolatey snickers.
    Oh why is the hobby scaring us away?!

  14. Eskimo Collector

    I read Beckett while here at the Pole,
    It’s words at one time, warmed my soul,
    But they seem to have lost touch,
    There BS has become just too much,
    Now I use it to clean my “Icehole”.

  15. there once was a boy named max
    he went out and bought some wax
    he was suprised he had done so well
    he pulled an auto of a top prospect of who i can not tell
    he decided to wait intill the price was right to sell
    but then something funny happened the price fell
    it turns out the kid wasnt as good as he had thought
    now he sits thinking of what kind of money thet card could have brought
    this story is sad but true
    it turns out this is the life of a prospecter who knew

  16. David wright,
    oh, at night,
    he hits those homeruns o’ so far.
    I’d hate to have to pitch to him,
    but man i’d love to witness him,
    as he becomes a big star.
    mario used to think he was overrated,
    soon his hall of fame plaque will be painted.
    Hes is one of the kindest,
    i pulled is auto card in finest,
    and his greatness will never be faded.

  17. The bearded one began to wonder
    why bustin boxes makes one feel torn asunder
    collector’s spend and spend to scratch the itch
    but this wax game, man it’s a bitch
    except to us anything else is surely a blunder
    you see at the end of the day it’s all about passion
    which always trumps the wax pack ration
    it’ll never be enough to quench the thirst
    when a week without cards would be the absolute worst
    are you sure this hobby’s out of fashion?

  18. Retail’s one major flaw
    Are the guys who just stand there and paw.
    At Target each pack
    Gets searched; You just get jack.
    There’s no needle in there, just some straw.

  19. Didn’t know they made plates of 20th anniversary. Here is my limerick:

    Gold mine of cards
    Loaded with tons of stars
    i open the high end product and what do i find?
    A lump of coal
    How dear you Upper Deck, my eyes cant be betraying me, I’m not blind!
    High end? No way cards go unsigned?
    Upper Deck you have reached Topps Goal,
    You have misled me and burned my soul!

  20. Usually Wax Heaven is great
    Until I logged on it today
    Mario said write me a limerick
    To win Upper Decks gimmick
    A Jeter and Torre press plate

  21. Here goes…

    They used to sell packs at 7-11.
    Now there’s a Wax Heaven.
    A buck bought 2 packs and a Slurpee.
    My Pay-Pal account has dwindled,
    Those high end auto’s, I can barely afford thee.

  22. There once was a blogger named Adam
    Who had collectors and Beckett mad at him
    He shared opinions and truth
    It was sometimes uncouth
    But if views were records he’d have gone multi-platinum

  23. There once was a player named Jeter
    Who played shortstop next to a diva
    While the diva made more
    He made fans very sore
    And Derek was always the pleaser

  24. DJS is my favourite too, but alas I enjoy rhyming:

    There once was a man from Kalamazoo,
    In pinstripes, he’s yourrrrrrr number two.
    His numbers are inflated,
    His defense is overrated,
    An average shortstop outside the Bronx Zoo.

  25. There was a man named Jose conseco who was very good at the game
    till people realized what was in his veins
    40 homeruns a season don’t go unnoticed
    especially when your dealing roids for spare change

    I don’t know if that ryhmes but this took me like 20 minutes lol

  26. There was once a player named Jeter
    Everyone said he was a team leader
    Apparently he played with heart and hustle
    They said he’d never get involved in silly tussles
    But alas these words all came from yankees fans
    And how can you trust them yankees man

  27. oops realized mine wasn’t a limerick :p but just a rhyming poem… oh well, hope you enjoyed anyways 😀

  28. Just another day dropping bids on “The Bay”
    What a wonderful time, it’s St Paddy’s Day.
    I will have me a pint I figure.
    For when I drink my bids get bigger.
    Go to buy another pint and I begin to cry,
    Ebay has sucked my bank account dry.
    To the next auction to redeem my pride,
    Now from my woman, I have to hide,
    In my defense, I have little to say,
    I just hope I live to bid another day!

  29. There once was a blog called
    Wax Heaven.
    With links to the
    Heavenly Seven.
    Cards new and old were discussed,
    over trades they fussed,
    Should it be changed to
    Heavenly Eleven?

  30. Chris Olds is one big fat slob
    Whose physique is reminiscent of The Blob
    His loaded Exquisite boxes came from Upper Deck
    And made hundreds of collectors say “What the heck?”
    When their cases were filled with Kevin Kolb.


  31. Ok, I’m not sure if mine really makes sense ’cause I don’t remember if he was one of the guys opening those loaded Exquisite boxes but still…Perhaps I should’ve replaced “his” with “Beckett’s?” I dunno…

  32. Upper Deck started long ago of yore
    Mostly 20 Years of Collecting Galore
    Their employees are now uninspired
    The designs are dull and tired
    And now MLB Properties has shown them the door!!!

  33. There once were 2 Yankees, Jeter and Torre Who brought their team great acclaim and much glory Torre wrote a book cuz he couldnt win Jeter for M-V-P talk once again Will there be happy ends to their stories?

  34. I went to Wax Heaven today,
    To see what ol’ Mario had to say.
    Free 1/1 Jeter and Torre!
    What a likely story,
    But I figure why not enter anyway!

  35. Beckett’s price guide: as wrong as could be
    Filled with value inaccuracy
    Though they’re right when they state
    re: these printing plates
    “No plate pricing due to scarcity”

    And here’s a haiku, for the hell of it:

    My first pack of cards
    Purchased from the ice cream man
    Stained by my sno-cone

  36. About Barry Bonds:

    With his glove and his legs and his bat
    He was the best in the game, that’s a fact
    But it wasn’t enough
    So he took BALCO’s stuff
    And now his head is too fat.

  37. Now hear ’bout the company Topps
    With their cards, they pulled out all the stops
    Someone gave them a cookie
    If they’d gimmick some rookies
    So their product is technically CRAP!

    (Or crop, if you’re really that snippy)

  38. When they think of their next card design
    It seems both companies resign
    To yet another retro theme
    Or “x” to the extreme
    Originality is on the decline.

  39. I used to bike up to the gas station
    To pull a Rookie Sensation
    At least it was base
    None of this one-per-case
    And back then it was pure elation

  40. Set builders, team/player fans and BoChro Mojo hunters,
    Collecting cardboard of pucksters, point guards, pitchers and punters,
    Pulling jersey bits of white
    Or sticker auto’s that players write
    On the same old photos of blockers and bunters

    Sorry,…Didn’t mean to keep being so negative….

  41. There once was a man named Mario
    who became a blogosphere empresario.
    He even took on Beckett Media
    to give up the Canseco Encyclopedia
    And now he’s an Internet Star-io.

  42. Wow. That’s all. Just wow.

    In our youths to the store we would hasten,
    “Rated Rookies” we dreamed of embracing.
    Sadly greed’s now the norm,
    And I’m sad to inform
    That it’s gimmicks that everyone’s chasing.

  43. There once was a collector named Mario
    And it didn’t matter how far he’d go
    He’d look for any card
    of Jose Canseco’s muscles looking hard
    He’d buy it and take it back to his barrio 🙂

  44. Theyr’e the greatest thing ever to hoard
    it’s an sickness that cannot be cured
    Cobb, Pujols, Drysdale
    won’t ever get stale
    must be baseball gods on cardboard

  45. There was a young boy with a buck
    Who decided to try out his luck
    He wanted a pack of Topps
    He searched the entire box
    Forever with this hobby he was stuck.

  46. From box breaks to Kate Hudson
    To Babe Ruth and Plaxico’s gun
    Waxheaven’s got it covered,
    ‘tiana is Mario’s lover,
    Now give me my two one-of-one’s!!

  47. Mario, I didn’t see anything in the rules, but I was wondering if there was any limit to the number of limericks we can submit? I have plenty more rhymes left in me! Let me know if I can unleash anymore of my ill poetics. 😀

    BTW, the special judge isn’t someone from Upper Deck, is it? Cause if it is, I doubt they’d appreciate my “nut sack” limerick. LOL. But you said anything goes, right?

  48. Mel Hall likes the girls the age of his daughter
    Ugeth Urbina workers, he wants to slaughter
    Clemens career was stuck in a rut
    he shoved a large needle into his butt
    Gabe Kapler’s wife could not be any hotter

    why not throw my hat in the ring?

  49. There once was a slugger with tiny nuts… with a huge head and a big ole fat gut… comments were nowhere to be found … when the press came ’round… mr. mitchell says he takes it in the butt.

  50. There once was a boy from las vegas… concerned only with fame and huge wages… he dropped out of school… pursuing the folly of fools…undoubtedly a bust for the ages

  51. once my collection was just topps
    only one card a year for the shortstops
    then along came donruss and fleer
    upper deck and then tristar was here
    i don’t need so many burke badenhops

  52. There once was a site called “completist”
    And Upper Deck is the one Mario butt-kissed
    But lo’ and behold
    Topps discovered the gold
    And cited the site in legal tryst.

  53. I’m sitting here blogging away,
    trying to think something clever to say.
    I bust boxes, rip packs,
    essentially addicted to wax.
    I’d want my life no other way!!

  54. i remember back in the day
    before sportlots, blogs or ebay
    i bought my cards in card shops
    donruss fleer and of course topps
    but high beckett is what i would pay

  55. Upper Deck fucking screws us
    Topps doesn’t give a shit
    Mcwilliams and Eisner go ANAL
    Which one’s the Bitch
    Man I love this Hobby

  56. A contest for Torre and Jeter,
    The blood rushes straight to my peter.
    “Who would write this you say”,
    as you look on in dismay.
    “Only, a Wax Heaven reader”.

  57. Okay, I got another one:

    This card hobby at times I can’t bear
    With gimmick cards flying everywhere
    It has me perplexed
    On what could be next
    A card with Babe Ruth’s pubic hair?

  58. Canseco, strawberry, Doc… The 80s they used to rock…the decade through…jailtime for two…the third stuck his friend’s buttock

  59. Upper Deck tried to gobble up Topps,
    exclusive seeds bear bitter crops.
    Mike E’s rope-a-dope
    caused Richard to mope,
    he prays his unlicenced won’t flopps.

  60. Competition be damned Topps will hoard
    their monopoly license, abhorred.
    1980 is back,
    you’ll see in your pack:
    the return of stale gum and cardboard.

  61. For the lost art of the ’90s I’m vexed.
    We were holo’ed, refracted, dufexed.
    Now it’s all jersey hits,
    sticker autos worth shits,
    How’d SPX become X? I’m perplexed.

  62. one more and I can go to sleep on a happy note…

    Baseball cards, they surround me in piles.
    Is the time I spend sorting worthwhiles?
    I say yes, without fail
    as I send through the mail
    a card package resulting in smiles.

  63. Sorry if the meter is off…I had to put in some extra syllables. I was trying to throw in a Chris Sabo reference, but not many words rhyme with Sabo. Then again, for Mario, I should have referenced Cansecos with the perfect rhyme “Tan Bacos'”.

    At a big box, I pack searched for ballers
    Felt a tale tell and I let out a holler.
    Bought the pack and at home
    Ripped a relic of Dave Cone,
    and sold it that night for a dollar!

  64. i have collected in many past years and years to come
    but when cardboard costs more than gum
    it makes me question my passion
    if i buy these, ill have no money for fashion
    i hope this is a good limeric to some 🙂

  65. i love to collect
    i use it to connect
    with friends, players, and strangers
    who root for the texas rangers
    sometimes i can’t understand their southern dialect

  66. One more (rules didn’t say we could do multiple). This one will be dirty, in the real tradition of limericks.

    There once was a collector, quite nekkid,
    who for cards would do dances at Beckett.
    His length made them squeal,
    some said it wasn’t real:
    “Sure, Tracy, you can suck me to check it!”

    Oh, I feel so guilty for this one. You don’t have to post it Mario.

  67. Here’s another one:

    If it’s Mario you want to offend
    Say Canseco’s IQ must be a 10
    He’ll grab a midget named Ray
    And throw him your way
    And yell, “Say hello to my little friend!!”

  68. OH, BOY!!! standardchuck just took it to another level!! HAHAHAHAHA!! Thumbs up from me, man! HAHAHAHAHA!

  69. There once was a young man named Jeter
    Who knew how to hit outside heaters
    His teammates took the cream
    So they wouldn’t run out of steam,
    Is he the only Yankee non-cheater?

  70. I hate people at Target pack searching
    Why do you have to be such an urchin?
    Through the packs you’ll peruse
    ‘Till you get your game used
    Which is worth less than the junk in my trash bin

  71. His name is Bryce harper
    I give you his autographed sticker for 500 dollar
    He could be the next Derek Jeter
    But most likely just another big head cheater
    He has the lowest gpa in his class and on the diamond he is no sharper

  72. There once was a man named Derek Jeter,
    He was the only Yankee who wasn’t a steroid cheater,
    He was in the set of ud starquest,
    My personal opinion… his card may have looked the best,
    Although he has some competition with a young rookie,
    and his name would be Troy Tulowitzki!

    I have been writing poetry lately so I just thought I would give it a shot 😉

  73. My cards are all a bunch of commons
    got millions of dang Jonny Damons
    I buy lotsa packs
    and rip through the wax
    so wheres the refractors and 1 of 1s?

  74. if the whole wide world could I run
    pack searchers would only find gum
    all kids would like sports
    and wear John Stockton shorts????
    yeah I’m old but wouldn’t that be some fun

  75. There once was a story of a player named torre
    whos cards are worth big bucks,
    and then there was jeter if he was a cheater that would just …
    plain suck
    i had there cards but dropped them like a retard and said oh
    i wish they were cheaper.
    – this is for my dad who is in iraq and is coming back next month and loves the yankees, thanks thisll mean a lot

  76. cards and i are such a match
    ill do anything for a patch
    ill be glad to get a 1 of 1
    ill be sad to get none
    ill buy the packs
    i wont get jack
    all my commons are in
    a bin this is why
    i want to win

  77. Riddle me this, riddle me that,
    is Beckett afraid, of the heavenly wax?
    Please tell us Chris
    your side of the story
    I’m sure it’s enriched
    With non-graded glory

  78. A Tigers fan should hate all the Yanks
    As much as he does Bobby Jenks,
    But Jeter’s from K-zoo,
    So I guess that’s coo(l),
    And Torre moved to LA with the skanks.

  79. started collecting two years ago.
    i have bought razor, topps,sweetspot,u.d.and more.
    spent thousands with not much to show.
    but a 1/1 would tickle me to the core.
    love all my cards in there own special way.
    so i put them in books and put them away.

  80. There’s no way I was going to let this contest expire without submitting some work.

    Based on my statistical tracker
    Fave has a shelf life of a cracker
    Minnesota he’s loathing
    Green Bay moves to Wyoming
    Favre cards for the Jackson Hole Packers!

  81. Here’s #2:

    I opened some Chrome feeling quite greedy
    Scratching that itch since I feel so needy
    Wanted something that sells
    Got rookies Glen and Wells
    Now selling: dual auto of Coffee Beanie

  82. Here numero tres!

    eBay mailer came, feeling a bit broker
    Noxious fumes burst out, now I’m a choker
    Then fainted and got pissed
    Added to my “Do Not Want” list
    No cards from a Sebastopol smoker!

  83. Last one for now:

    A choice of cards or a carton of Camels
    Picked the former (like some dumb mammals)
    Still spent all my money
    Got dumped by my honey
    So hungry I could eat a Cole Hamels

  84. there was once a pitcher named hamels
    he was much better at baseball then your average mammal
    In 2008 he was flyin’
    In 2009 his season has been tryin’
    Hey, at least he’s not as bad as allen trammel

  85. I got a monster box of cards and the latest price guide
    And I just cannot contain my excitement inside
    What will I find
    Runs through my mind
    As I settle in for the long card sorting ride…

  86. Thought of another:

    Hey Crabtree, you make Niners fans sicken
    Your sticker autos aren’t worth pickin’
    While you sit and you stew
    Team is two-and-oh without you
    That’s right Michael, keep f**kin’ that chicken…

  87. Hunting gathering living in caves,
    Back with spears, we still had our faves.
    The best of our peers
    Always gets the most cheers.
    In the present, that means cardboard raves.

  88. There once was a fellow named Bill
    Who swallowed the beckett value pill
    On Ebay his sportscards were sold
    For less than half of what he was told
    Which left him feeling annoyed and ill!

  89. 🙂

    At a summer card show on July 30
    Cute girl at a card table was quite flirty
    I asked about the new Jets QB
    She said I have about three
    But this Sanchez looks a little dirty…

  90. Almost choked when eating my cookie
    I’m really going to owe my bookie
    How big is Darren Sproles?
    A size like doughnut holes
    I wonder, how much is that guy’s rookie?

  91. When it comes to Tony Romo
    His close-ups are always in slo-mo
    With his cardboard in my hand
    A stack of pictures of this man
    Does that make me a homo?

  92. Having exhausted all of the ways
    To get collectors spending on pay days
    Let’s number this scrap
    We’d melt down for scrap
    What this stuff will sell for will amaze

  93. There once was a company, Topps
    To sell cards they pulled out all the stops
    They revived an old asset
    Which then bit them in the asses
    When new Stadium Club set was a flop

  94. Sorry, please disregard my last entry. Heres the ACTUAL limerick I would like to enter. Thank you:

    Fascimile signatures were once just right,
    Until the day came tho
    I’d rather buy snickers.
    eBay’s reality will sure come se turned to a fright.
    $300 plus stickers,bite!

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