Gary Sheffield needs OUR help

A couple of weeks ago the Detroit Tigers sent former all-star and 20-game winner Dontrelle Willis all the way down to the Minor League to play in Single-A ball. As terrible as that was, it pales in comparison to what Detroit has done to the reserved, soft-spoken, and shy Gary Sheffield.

It appears that Sheffield was banished to some third dimension where he is slowly melting away. Just have a look, he’s already lost his feet and most of his legs. Time is running out, please someone help Gary back into baseball and on his quest for 500 home runs.

Gary is currently hitting just .214 with close to 150 at-bats. He is sitting at 4 home runs and 14 RBI for the season. That’s a far cry from his eight years of 30+ home runs and 100+ RBI. Gee, where oh where could his power be?

Hmm….maybe a little Steroid cream will help?

Gary Sheffield Superfractor



  1. It’s quite obvious what happened. Gary was sent back in time and had sex with his own mother and is now being erased from existence.

  2. Looks like the ‘Chef had one last souffle’ blow up in his afro.

    I’m sure some evil White man is at the bottom of his loss of mojo. Why has the league not investigated Chef’s claims that a man — going by the mysterious nickname “Joe Torre” — keeps sneaking into his house & slipping a clear liquid into his Cream of Wheat? Food tampering is beyond outrageous. Somebody call the FDA!!!

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